10. Sometimes stays in bed til after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
This is done in a light hearted spirit. No insult intended.
A surprised Amish woman might say,
"Ach, that can't be so!"
If you ask directions to the candle shop which is around the corner you might get something like this:
"To get to the candle shop go straight along this crooked road until the fence ain't and then turn left."
Do you like jelly or jam on your bread? Well the Amish in Lancaster make their own apple butter.
If you ask one if they'd like a piece of bread with apple butter here is what you probably will hear.
"Spread me all over with apple busser a piece of bread."
Amish hospitality includes large amounts of delicious home made foods. If ask for a second helping here is what the homemaker might say:
"Eat all you like, there's more back."
When you go to an Amish home you might be asked to bring a dish for the buffet table. If you are bring the cheese you might say:
"We're brinking the cheese. What are you going to brink?"
Out of work? This is what you'll hear:
"All he needs is a good chop."
The Pennsylvania Dutch language is actually based on German. The first language of the Amish is German, in their homes and in their church services. It is no wonder when they learn English there are little shall I say "foibles" to the translation.
A lot of Amish boys love to fish. Where do you find little Samuel after school?
"Dawn by the river where the britch meets is where little Samuel is."
There are twins in Lancaster but if you ask an Amish man where they are he'll say something like this:
"The dupple people live down the lane where the fence ain't."
Do like homemade donuts? The Amish sure do and some eat them for breakfast.
"Amy eats a fausnacht in her coffee every morning."
Sure handcream helps dry hands, but rubber gloves are recommended for women who have their hands in water all the time. There are no dish washers allowed in Amish homes.
"Mary always wears rupper gluffs when she does the dishes."
When ever we visit family we always hug and kiss. The Amish say:
"Come and give your Aunt Bea a big huck!"
Amish wear plain rimmed sunglasses. But they don't call them eye glasses or sunglasses.
"Jacob has green ice in his head."
Nightime comes early for Amish children, especially in the winter.
"Go put on your jams, it's time to go to bet."
The Amish believe in the literal translation of the Bible.
"Jutch not that you be not jutched."
No electric or gas powered lawn mowers are allowed on an Amish farm. They use the metal push type, but sometimes someone will use a little ingenuity to keep from working so hard. Your neighbors might not think you are so smart.
"John is so lacy, he got a goat to mow his lawn."
My husband loves sitting in his easy chair and so do hard working Amishmen.
"Papa likes to launch in his easy chair at night."
When the farmers market opens in Spring the Amish woman bring their wares to sell and to buy items they need. But sometimes there are long lines waiting to pay for purchases.
"My lecks are weary," Sara said,"from standing on market all day."
There is a town in Central Pennsylvania famous for it's balogne. It's called Lepnin.
"I'm not hunkry any more, but I sure could eat some more Lepnin bologney with ketchep on it."
You have a sore throat? Try a throat drop. " Suck on this lochencher for relief."
Close the window? Not in an Amish home. It is: "Make the window shut."
I hope you enjoyed this good natured humor and will visit my Amish research pages often. I try to keep them updated.